In anticipation of my friend's, Krystal, baby's arrival, I started reflecting on the first few hours when I became a mom. I was never one of those girls who couldn't wait to be a mommy. In fact, infants mostly scared me. I thought they were so fragile and really, what the heck do you do with them? I was clueless, to say the least, especially since I never took interest in baby things. I also didn't have much exposure to babies either. Carson was born late at night during a hurricane, so we weren't expecting visitors until the next day. Around 1am, the nurses were basically through with their checks and everyone was ready to go to bed- except me. I couldn't believe that the hospital lets you have a child and then doesn't tell you what to do with them. How irresponsible! I knew that I was supposed to feed him every two hours. So, I just stared at him for the next two hours. Not an awe-struck, new mommy love gaze. It was more of a I-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing babysitting gig gaze. (Of course I felt like I was babysitting! It takes a while for you to believe that a person just emerged from your body!) I felt much better when I could take care of him when he was inside of me. OK, I could do this. My task was to feed him every two hours and listen to make sure he was breathing. Every two hours I tried feeding him but he just slept, so I figured I had potent colostrum because he ate right after birth. I also figured he would cry if he was hungry. Around 7am, my nurse came in and asked how he ate. I told her that he preferred sleeping. I was then berated for not waking up my child to eat. How was I supposed to know that I had to do tricks to wake up my newborn to eat? I felt horrible. Seriously, why doesn't an instruction manual pop out with the baby? So, I failed at my first mommy task. My first of many mommy bloopers. I have heard this before, and so far it seems to be true, that by God's grace, my child will survive my parenting.